So Small.

The words to this song have really touched me lately.

So Small song by Carrie Underwood (not sure who wrote it)

What you got if you ain't got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's OK to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

A Perfect Love

A Single kiss he gave me since the day we met
How tenderly he sent this kiss,
Deep hearted, pure, and scented still with love.
A perfect love.

I knew the language of that kiss,
"I love you" so it seemed to say,
"Forever here I'll be".
A perfect love.

Now he's gone, that only kiss
My only mem'ry of him.
"Forever here my love will stay,"
A perfect love.

from the heart...
Me - June 6, 1990

The Voice

It was a warm day in January with just enough of a nip in the air to make a true California winter day. The Sunday worship left me feeling hopefull but alone. More than anything I just wanted to be alone no one to talk to; no one to bother me; no one to attempt to pull me out of my dreariness. What better place to o that the lake, my lake.

Quickly I changed from my heels and a skirt to my white jeans and black sweatshirt. The memories of the last time I wore this same outfit flooded my head, but did I let that deter me? No! I headed straight for the hill with a quick stop at Taco Bell to satisfy my noisy stomach.

A quick flight up the windy hill landed me on a picnic table with my food and my Bible. Not my bulky Bible but, rather, my small children’s Bible. The one that daily reminds me to have the faith of a child. I read knowing not what or why I read. I just read. That’s when I decided to take my walk and that was the start or end or rather both of life as I knew it.

The water was calm and cloudy as only a big city lake water is. But still I walked until I stopped short only to notice the speckles of dust spotting my spotlessly white pants and that is when I first heard the voice. Listen to what it said:

“I created this earth with this in mind. On this day, at this precise minute you would be walking in this spot. That dirt was put here to spot your pants.”

Bewildered I continued on my walk only to stumble on the ugliest weed mass to ever cross my path and again I heard the voice:

“I created those weeds and they are beautiful to me. Daily I look at them and ponder their beauty.”

Continuing on I came up short when I saw two beautiful perfect ducks floating dead in the lake.

“I cried when they died.”

Was the voice I quickly heard.

Quickly I continued. Why was he bothering me? Why wouldn’t he let me wallow in my sorrows? Why couldn’t I just be alone? That’s when I came to the dock. Just a short platform rickety as it was the only thing that would keep me out of the murky unknown – if I chose to try it. Accept the challenge I did with deathly white knuckles grasping the railing I proceeded down the short strip. Standing on the edge I suddenly felt my grip loosen from it’s hold on the bar and peacefully I heard:

“Don’t worry, I’ve god you. I will always take care of you.”

With that I walked, or rather floated back to my car with the knowledge that He loves me. Never will I be alone. How can I worry when I will always have a promise like that? No matter the pain or the hardship my heart will endure I always will have my one true love. Nothing can or will ever take that from me.

If God is for you, who can be against you?

For the love of God, have the faith of a child. Pure, innocent, and sweet. A love that knows no pain. A love that will always endure. A love that no matter what will always forgive and embrace.

from the Heart...

Locker

I am rectangular and cold, I have no preference.
Whenever I open I intake whatever I receive.
Just as it is, untouched by warmth and love.
I am not picky, only waiting -
The mouth of a little god - ongoing.
Most of the time I sit alone in my little place.
It is so small, it is alone. I have sat here for so long.
I think it is part of my body. But it differs,
Books and light make us different over and over.

Now I am opened. A girl stares into me.
Searching my reaches for books of unknown classes.
Then she turns to those liars, her friends and her enemies.
I see the book leave and darkness creeps in faithfully
She rewards me with tears as she closes my door.
I am her friend. She will come again.
Each day it is her face that lets in the light.
In me she has cried a little girl, and in me a young lady
Rises to meet her day, like a lovesick child.

from the heart...
Me - June 4, 1990

Personal Writing

I moved about six weeks ago. In the process of moving I found some old writings of mine. Poems and stories I wrote in high school and since. It seems weird to keep them hidden in a box, gathering dust where no one can see them.

So, I decided to share them. I'll also share other song lyrics and poems that mean something to me.

These will all be

From the heart...